Normally you wouldn’t use all of those words to describe one thing, but those are the words that come to mind when I try to describe my life right now.
Transition. We have sold our home, our tiny trailer, in preparation for the next phase of our life. Surprisingly, I didn’t shed a tear. I suppose I was a little burnt out? I still am surprised with myself and wondering what’s wrong with me. Why didn’t I cry? That was our home for a year… strange. We have been living with my parents for 3 weeks now, and I haven’t sat this still in over a year. I’m itching for the next phase, and ready to see a new city. Traveling did that to me, gave me a full-blown case of wanderlust. I doubt that will go away in my lifetime. I now have a new love for seeing the world.
Pause. While we’re in transition, we are very much at a pause. I told Brannon the other day that I feel like my life is in limbo, on hold, stuck on the phone waiting for an answer that you can’t seem to get from the operator. He feels the same.
Hectic. On one hand, life is on pause and on the other it is full-steam ahead. I am in one of the busiest seasons of work I have ever been. I am so grateful for this. While my brain is on constant overdrive, unable to turn off, but I know it will all be worth it. The one big goal I had for after we finished a year of traveling, was for work to be doing so well that there was no doubt as to whether I would be looking for employment or continuing to grow my business. That’s why I’m so grateful for this busy season. It means that all my hard work is proving itself. We’re definitely growing, and experiencing the pains that come with it. But oh how it encourages me and drives me to keep going.
With this hecticness though comes a part of me that is turning into a workaholic. The list of things to do is constantly long and always growing. I am hiring more help as I can, but that doesn’t make my brain take a break. This weekend I went out for a run and ran for 20 minutes without stopping. Now… I had started training again a few months back, but I have not run in over a month — maybe two! My body said you’re fine, keep running, you’ve got to run it off. Whether it’s going to the gym, going for an easy walk, or running, getting outside and being alone for 30 minutes has been the only thing that helps my brain breathe.
Weird how we need our brains to breathe, right?
Calm. In the midst of all this chaos, I have felt calm. My anxiety has been chill, and my obsessive need-to-control-everything tendencies haven’t revved up too bad (in regards to life, not work, let’s be real here). The only thing I have to explain this? God. He’s gotta be all over this. I have no idea what’s coming, and I can’t control it. Yet, somehow, I’m okay, and I know that wherever we move, whatever state, we will be okay if we don’t try to control it. We have to be patient (which is so damn hard), and trust that the right door will present itself.
Now… I’m going to be eating. these. words. if I’m in the same spot in a few weeks. So if you’re a praying person, say a prayer for us!
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I’m trying to have a weekly mantra, so here is mine for the week:
Where I am is exactly where I need to be. I trust the timing of my life.
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